A Valentine Ditty from She Who Gets None. Ever.

Valentine’s Day, as you know from previous postings, is somewhat of a let-down in the House of Pig. The Man-Hog is a conscientious objector to the one day per year he can be openly and mushily romantic. Every year I suffer the hideousness of being Britain’s Most Unbeloved. Well, I’ve had enough. So I thought I would write my own Valentine poem for all those women who, like me, expect and get nowt!

A Pig Scorned…

Roses are red? Sent by lovers in bliss.

“Sod the flowers!” Says the Man-Hog. “I’ll just give her a kiss!“

But roses are pretty! “Nah, expensive and boring.

I’ll make us some chips, that’ll send her heart soaring.“

Roses are romantic. “Pfsh. A total waste of money.

After all of these years, she knows she’s still my honey.“

They tell her I Love You. “Such piffle! No Way!

She gets to live with me – what more can I say?“

So before all those florists start counting their chickens

The Man-Hog’s determined to slim down their pickens

He won’t buy a bloom, nor a choc, nor a ring

You can’t tell him when to buy or say anything!

But the last laugh’s on me – Love’s Most Unfêted -

Off to Valentine’s dinner with one I once dated!

Suck on that, Man-Hog! Eat chips by yourself.

Next year I suggest you buy every bloom on the shelf.

(OK so I am not really going on a date with an ex but – come on! – I have to do something to shock him. It’s either this or a well-placed defibrillator.)

Poem by Pigletinapoke i.e. ME!!

Picture credit: http://www.justourpictures.com